I decided to quit blogging after my last post because I don't see the purpose of doing this. I used to think that this is a good venue for someone out there to read and know about yourself. Then I realized that no one really ever cares, especially when you are a grown up. Somehow, you are expected to be able to handle yourself and everything else out there independently regardless of how many blows you take at the same time. If you ask me, that sounds like the Incredible Hulk.

Needless to say, the Incredible Hulk is angry and vents at anything and smashes everything. Me, as the "Incredible Hulk", has decided to come back to blogging to vent out my emotions rationally & sensitively. I don't want to be Amy Cheong. She is the true blue Incredible Hulk.

I read my previous 2 entries and have absolutely no idea what I was talk about. I shall leave it as it is to remind myself of how bad a writer I am.

I have a girlfriend for 4 months now and I have an obvious reduction in the size of my social circle. How bad is it...?
Restaurant Story push notifications on my phone are more than the messages and calls I receive from friends.

I know this is very unhealthy, but I thought it is a necessary period to cope with the insecurities that she has. How many of you have to cope with situations like these as well? "The situation ought to improve over time" I thought, but it has been 4 months now. If I ever have a logbook to track its progress, my dedication, commitment for such achievement can write nothing in it. I have spent whatever free and rest time with her, reporting whatever I do, wherever I go, to the point where I think it is excessive. I know if I write it in detail, men will view me as a black sheep without pride.

I probably am.

But what can Pride buy you? What can Pride give you?
Similarly, what can Anger buy you? What can Anger give you?
It only feeds your pride and pride will let you miss out many things.

This is a tough relationship to be in for my character, but I am tougher. Such endurance has put my own "Progress Logbook" on a roll. I became so much a better person, but this is definitely difficult to endure.

Mentally Drained.

My workplace is screwed up. It's only a small office, family business, about 11 people. I don't understand why is everyone trying to get everyone's favour and be so personal about matters. There is nowhere to rise in this company. As long as your surname is not the family's surname and have no blood relation, this is only a job for you, a place to learn for you. Nothing more.

They have to spread rumours, sow discord, be selfish and stuck up and try to get into boss' good books, putting others down. Oh my god. What kinda screwed up culture is this? They have to realise that all these are pointless.

If I don't agree with everything in this company, I have to agree that we are all alone. Always alone. Whatever we do, wherever we are, we are all alone, with or without partners. Growing up isn't kind on me and I have to put through all these mental games. Do you guys go through the same?

You Know You Are Screwed.

When you didn't receive an SMS from a person and get worried because of that, you know you are screwed.

When she is in a bad mood, she sends you text messages like you are in the wrong and you really think that it is something you did even though the night before was perfectly fine, you know you are screwed.

When you think that you made her this way and feels really guilty, thereafter not able to do any work but have a heavy heart, you know you are screwed.

Being screwed in such a way where people known it as fancying someone. It is really honeyed-trouble.

Even if the tsunami was honey instead of water, you will still die. At least you can swim in water.

Paper Files

Running through all these paper files remind me of times in a law firm. Reviewing all the files, trying to remember the details of each client. It's crazy because, a lawyer will randomly ask you about 1 client, out of 500+ of them. How can you answer when you are less than a few months in the firm? In the end, you get scoldings after scoldings, rounds and rounds of reviewing files........... Never ending.

Of course now, I don't have to do it anymore because I am not in a law firm. One of my friends once told me, "If you can survive a law firm, you can survive anywhere."

So true.

Long hours of work, scoldings, handling stress, deadlines, critical thinking and speaking. None of these you cannot do. In fact, that is what you do everywhere. How well you do in your career, depends on how well you do all these. Irritating isn't it? Life became so much more complicated.

Back to running through these paper files of conveyancing matters, they are absolutely interesting. There are all kinds of people.
Old woman trying to pay off her payments so that she will retire and live peacefully for the rest of her years.
Owner passed away and will her property to her final son who does not has a home yet.
Husband gift his house to the wife upon clearing all the loans for her.
Buyers defaulting payment and in the end, terminating the S&P forfeiting over 30,000.

All sorts of situations are happening. All these also show how much of a struggle is there in life. It is never smooth flowing. Rich or poor. Let's not talk about the filthy rich. Even though Ma Chi the Bai Chi don't deserve much pity for worse than poor driving.

A Simple Lesson I've Learnt Today

打出來的女人嘴服，疼出來的女人心服

Once Upon A Time

What should you do when the whole world is asleep and you are feeling down? I will blog. What will you do?

I think, in my life up till now, there is only 1 girl who can make me give up everything ever so willingly. Even though I don't have her, and will never have her, it is such a joy to once have it. Don't you all think so too?

We Cannot Not Talk About Jeremy Lin

What is my dream?

I envy those who have a dream. Those who has already fixed on what they wish to do in life, especially those who are still young.

I don't know what I want to do in life. My direction is unclear. I take it as it comes. Gazillion books say that you should already know what you want to do in life. Can I just say that I do not care as long as it is a path that will secure a happy future and give me wealth? I wish to slam that statement into many faces. It is not my fault for being nonchalant towards life. I am born to have feelings less stronger than others.

So you ask me what is my dream? I really wish to tell you, but I really can't. So when people ask, and if I bother to explain, I will take time to explain. Since now I bother to, here goes.

It is only natural for a person who obtained a diploma in law, whether you did well or not, to want to take an LLB. Reasons are simple. Your diploma sounds good. You know what sort of recognition it will gain you. You know that people will naturally look up to you when you mention that you took a law course. Humans are suckers for recognition. Since the natural path for a person who obtained a diploma in law to pursue a law degree, everyone just hops right in.

However, people like me, who are not financially capable of doing so, are in trouble. Our natural, planned route is cut off, and results are not fantastic, what should we do?

We work.

We hope that with our luck, we are able to have someone recognise our soft skills. Recognise that we have the capability to produce more than the scholars even though we lack of certain knowledge, which actually is not an issue at all. We are not slow, we just mature later than others in life. Therefore, we appear lazier.

So what do I hope to do? I seek recognition/appreciation for the work I do for others, in exchange for mentorship, which is why I cannot tell you what my dream is. It really depends on who I have as mentors in life. Whether or not I pursue law in the future, that is entirely another story.

Those who read, don't ask me why I did not pursue a law degree. Do not ask me if I intend to or not. Do not ask me what is my interest or dream. Do not try and explain that these will lead to greatness in my life, and that work will seem like gameplay. I listened to all these cliche nonsense since I stopped sucking my thumb. Why not try asking me what is my plan to get out of this rat race, and advise me when I say, "I DO NOT KNOW".

Lunar New Year

That's it. Chinese New Year has ended. Just like that. It makes me wonder what is all the anticipation is about. There is nothing special to it. All the rush rush, and gatherings with family members who care less about you. It has all become nothing but a procedure. Chinese New Year is here, so we must do this this this and this. Ok. Now done. Back to work.

The rest of a hardworker is sweet. I worked hard, why did this rest felt empty?

When will the world learn that taichi is more than what you see in the park?

Girls Are Sensitive.

That's utter bullshit when you are only sensitive to what people say and not sensitive to what you do or say. So don't give me that crap, I won't buy that shit. That's called insensible. Nonsensical. Emotionally unstable.

I don't have enough emotional capacity to play with your games. So if you say or do something insensitive, and you get all emotional when I say something directly back at you, then that's really too bad. You are not sensitive enough to mind your words.

Don't tell me shit like 'if you love someone, you have to accept everything'. I am a fucking realist. You don't accept everything. You just get used to it and live with it. That's why quarrels happens and that's why people are still together despite all the quarrels. So don't tell me that bullshit because, if I have to accept everything of you, then accept that I retaliate with such comments when you give me nonsense. Don't give me all that emotional crap for nothing and expect some pampering.

Accept that.